Perhaps nothing can be more painful for a parent than to teach your child to follow Christ only to see Him turn away from Christ as a young adult. It is a seemingly helpless position to be in.
Yesterday we looked at 2 Timothy 4:1-5 which is specifically addressed to Timothy as a pastor, but I think there is much help there for parents of wayward children as well. Here are the main points from that passage…
1. Preach the word
There is a difference in proclaiming the truth of Christ to your children and being “preachy.” As a preacher I hate that “preachy” is a negative word. That means that the general idea most people have of preaching is a kind of condescending nagging.
So parents, don’t be “preachy.” Don’t use the truth of the Bible as a weapon to beat down your children. Proclaim the truth of Christ in your words and in your life by displaying the character of Christ and showering your children with the lavish grace and love that God extends to us in Christ.
And be prepared in season and out of season. Use every opportunity to make Christ known to your kids. Point them to Christ. He is there only hope.
2. Reprove. Rebuke. Exhort.
Yes there are certainly times when you must reprove and rebuke your children. They must know that God hates sin and that he calls us to repent and follow Christ.
But don’t forget to exhort. Let your rebukes be gentle yet firm, a loving call to return to the grace of Christ. Encourage them to love the LORD, don’t demand it.
Build exhortation and encouragement into your every day conversations with them. Make sure to let them know that while you disapprove of their sin, their bad choices do not affect your love for them. I know that feels like a difficult line to walk sometimes, but we must make the effort to make our love for our children come through more clearly than our disappointment over their failures.
3. With Complete Patience and teaching
This one is so hard. But every parent who has a child that is not a Christian needs to hear this...
Don’t expect them to be Christlike.
You have to remember that lost people only know one way to behave… lost. Therefore, you will have to be extremely patient with them. In the Bible “patient” literally means “slow to anger.”
When she comes home drunk or doesn’t come home at all… again
When he wrecks your car… again
When she skips class… again
When he gets in a fight at school… again
Be patient.
Don’t ignore and dismiss their bad behavior. Deal with it rightly, but don’t be surprised by it either. They are sinners. Sinners sin. Apart from Jesus Christ the only nature and desire they are trying to fulfill is sinful.
Be patient with teaching. Again, make sure the word of God is what drives your interaction with your kid. Guide their heart to Christ with the gospel. Do not merely seek to correct their behavior with external rules. Their heart is the issue.
4. Always be sober-minded
When dealing with a teenager or young adult who is consistently rejecting Christ and going his own way, there is a tendency focus so much on their sins that we can no longer be objective in dealing with our kids. It is a “fog of familiarity.”
It happens to all of us. There are certain, little things that my wife can do that will send my into a tizzy, but when a church member does the same thing, I am quick to overlook any unintended offense. Why is that? The fog of familiarity.
Be aware of the emotional haze that can cloud your judgment. It is the same kind of haze that clouds the mind when you are drunk on alcohol. Be sober-minded. Don’t let the emotional baggage of past sins cloud your love for your child today.
Sometimes the best thing you can do to help your child is to allow another Christian minister to your child. Try to help Him connect with another person in your church with whom he has a relationship.
5. Endure suffering
Loving the unlovable will wound you… because real love opens you up for rejection.
You will suffer many a sleepless night weeping brokenhearted tears because your child has screamed, “I HATE you” …again. But love is longsuffering.
You may communicate more love to your child in your response to these wounds than by any gift you might give in an effort to buy her affection. “A gentle word turns away wrath.” When you accept these wounds humbly without lashing out in anger, then you will eventually gain an audience with your child for her to hear your, “I still love you… no matter what.”
6. Do the work of an evangelist
There are two things I think of when I hear the charge to do the work of an evangelist, especially in regard to reaching the rebellious child:
1. Keep the gospel central. Remember there is no benefit to trying to change their behavior without applying the gospel to change their heart.
2. Pursue them. Sharing the gospel with your children is not a “one and done” affair. Go after them the way God pursues us. CS Lewis called Him the “Hound of Heaven.” Don’t be overbearing, but do not give up. If he continually closes one avenue of communication then use another. If he changes his phone number then send emails.
Take every opportunity to share the life-giving truth of the gospel with them.
7. Fulfill your ministry
Point them to Christ. It really does begin and end with this.
Your ministry to your family is to help them see Jesus.
So, do not lose hope. Do not give up. Do not allow your emotions to cloud your judgment.
Love them relentlessly and point them to Jesus.
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